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[canonfic] Without You

Title: Without You
Rating: PG
Words:613
Characters: Luka Petrovic, mentions of Arlin Keysa (kineticmachine) and Duncan (greasethewheels)
Summary: Luka has trouble sleeping at night.
A/N: Written for throughworlds and varymydays using the prompts “This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?” and “Without him, the world around me changes. The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers." Also used is 30_losses prompt #20A - "In the dead of the night." This story has all the prompts, yo.

When he left, she started prowling the streets at night again, looking for fights. It wasn’t even to get money, this time. She had plenty of that now, with jobs coming in regularly and the extra she earned from helping Duncan at the office. No, the reason this time was because she didn’t want to sleep.

When she slept, the dreams came. Since he had left, they were worse. Usually it was just memories of the Laboratory, and half-remembered pain, and waking up in a cold sweat with her mouth clenched shut so she wouldn’t make a sound. But since he had left, she had started dreaming of being locked in a cell, and he would be standing outside and she would scream and scream for him to let her out, but he could never hear. She woke up from these dreams with tears in her eyes.

So she wandered the streets at night, around the docks and in the warehouse districts where the gangs gathered. She’d only return to her apartment in the wee hours of the morning, around 4 a.m. or sometimes even 5, when the dawn was beginning to creep into the air, for a scant hour or two of sleep before getting up again for her morning run.

While it was true she was designed to need far less sleep than a normal human, she knew she couldn’t keep this up. She’d been barely sleeping at all for weeks; sooner or later she would have to get an entire night’s worth of sleep or she would collapse. She could feel it coming—her reaction times were slowed, and her accuracy at the range had been decreasing lately. If she went out on a job like this, she’d probably get injured, the way things were going.

Somehow, without realizing it, she’d ended up on the street that his gun shop and its upstairs flat were on. For a while she stood outside the door, just staring at it. Slowly she reached into her right leg cargo pocket and pulled out her lock picking tools. It was a simple for her to pick the maintenance lock on the keypad access box on the door and open it up so she could see inside. It took a little bit of fumbling at first, but her hands remembered which wires she needed to pull to short out the locking mechanism so the door would unlock. Shutting the access box so no one would notice she’d been tampering with it at first glance, she opened the door to the building and went inside.

The stairway up to his flat was dark, but she could still see well enough not to trip. When she got to the door to his flat, she pulled out her lock picks again and picked the lock. This lock was more complicated and slightly harder to pick, but not by much. She was into his flat in a matter of minutes.

She looked around. It had been months since she’d last been in here, during the Plagues, but it still looked largely the same. It was emptier, true, but she could still feel his presence in the items that remained.

She walked around, being careful not to touch anything that would betray that she’d been here. Just being in here, she could feel a sense of calm she hadn’t felt since he’d told her he was leaving come over her. And with the calm came tiredness. Being careful to lock the front door so no one else could get in, she curled up on the floor in the living room and fell deeply asleep for the first time in weeks.

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
throughworlds
Jun. 30th, 2010 03:51 am (UTC)
WAUGH, Luka. *wibbles*

This broke my heart. From the dreams she was having to the laboratory to how they merged with her feeling Arlin's absence to her finally finding peace enough to sleep.

I think it was HOW she found that peace that really killed me.

Oh Luka. :( I loved this so much! Thank you for writing it.
designed2kill
Jun. 30th, 2010 04:06 am (UTC)
♥ Thank you! This was always a story I wanted to write at some point, so I'm glad that you and Rizzy prompted me to get off my ass and actually write it!
throughworlds
Jun. 30th, 2010 04:11 am (UTC)
Aw, I'm so happy I could give you a prompt that gave you the incentive to write it, because it's awesome and shows us so much about what Luka has been up to.

Also, considering you gave me the perfect prompts that inspired me to actually write stuff out, too. <3
varymydays
Jul. 1st, 2010 02:42 am (UTC)
jek;al Waugh! :< I agree with Ella. So much waugh.

I'm so happy you wrote this as I was curious to what she was going through.

The imagery of her sleeping on the living room floor makes my chest hurt. This was beautifully written.

<3333

Edited at 2010-07-01 02:42 am (UTC)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )